Who are you?

Are you to blame?
Of course not.
Or maybe.
But who are you?

I've never acknowledged your existence,
Never given power to your name.
Never needed you then, or now.
Or maybe I did, or do.
But who are you?

Did your absence in my mind,
flee to your presence in my soul?
Couldn't be.
Or maybe.
But who are you?

How can I miss what I never had?
How could you dismiss the essence of you?
I couldn't care.
Or maybe.
But who are you?

Strong and independent is the only being I know.
Past failures are mines, not yours.
But what if....what if you created this botch.
Could you admit that?
Would I accept that?
But who are you?

No memories of you.
Only the ones I made up in my dreams.
The woman in me want allow me to go back.
There's nothing left to fix.
He did what you were never man enough to do.

So on I go....
No hate for you, only love,
but why daddy,
do I ask....
Who are you?

I'm Tired

Yeah I know. I've been MIA for a couple of weeks. Well what can I say. I just haven't been motivated to write anything. First off, let me say I in no way consider myself to be a "writer" but for me I have to feel like writing. And for some reason my fingers haven't been able to translate the chaos cluttering my brain waves. I'm just tired... mentally.

I'm a fixer, that's what I do. From professional to personal, I study, analyze, formalute solutions, execute test and voila....I fix things! So I have problems when I'm confronted with something, that I may not be able fix. Truth is I'm not sure if I even what to be a fixer anymore. I just wonder what happens between the point where you want to fix and the point where you don't want to fix. Dang, what happens? The more I think I'm wiser, the more I see I'm still a young dummy. LOL Better than an old fool, I guess.

I've never been a person to quit, but I'm tired. Not one ounce of fight left in me, not one grain of motivation in sight....even the reservoir is on E. What do you do when you see, what you thought was your future, go right down the drain? And surprisingly a part of you doesn't even care. Man, when you've given until there's nothing left to give...when your cries of despair have fallen upon deaf ears...when you saw the storm coming. What now?

I'm tired. And I just wonder where the fight comes from in other relationships that seem to stand the test of time. Who said fight anyway? Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Or maybe it was and we were just meant to regret things later. Who knows. How can 80% be on point but the dreaded 20% stand so strong? Who the heck said 20% was insignificant anyway?? Too many questions, but yet no answers. Whatever, I'm pretty sure none of this will make sense tomorrow :)......I'm going to bed.


You Who Never Spoke Your Feelings, So Many Times I Tried To Tell You, That You Were Losing Me, But You Never Tried To Make Things Better, You Didnt Choose To See My Pain, Now I've Got One Thing Left To Say, It Was You