What does father's day mean to me?

It's amazing the things I can remember from childhood. I remember the days my mother lived as a single mother who had to work 3rd shift and then I remember when I was about 7 my mother got married to my stepfather. He has been me, my sister and my brother's dad every since. He came in and loved us as we were his own and we always called him daddy.

I honestly never thought about my "real" father. I truly believed that his presence was none existent and not in a bad way. I never went through the "I hate him, why isn't he here?" stage because I felt I had a daddy and that's all that mattered. The older I became I sometimes heard people relate how I dealt with certain issues to the fact that I never had my biological father in my life. I thought that was utterly ridiculous. How could I want or need something I never had or better yet, how could I want or need something that I did indeed already have??!

So today many years later, I sit and wonder and reflect back on my life. It just recently dawned on me that the man who was responsible for my life never once made an effort to get to know me. Not one birthday, not one school event, not one holiday, not one phone call, and not one single thought of me (that I know of, anyway). I remember after I graduated high school my mother told me she received notice in the mail to appear in court. After 18 years of absence and barely paying a measly $25/wk (which he was behind $8k at the time), this man had the audacity to file a motion with the court to make sure his child support was ended b/c I was 18.

Out of all the things to remember I guess when I turned 18, was the most important. At that time I had no visual memory of this man so I decided that I would accompany my mother to court that day. So I drove three hours and sat patiently waiting for the case to be called. Waiting to get a glimpse of the man everyone said I greatly favored. Everything went very swiftly and with only a few words spoken the case had ended just like that. So my mother and I got up and walked out. It was a very small courthouse so we knew he would have to pass us to exit out. I stood and waited. Not sure exactly what I was waiting for. To see him up close?? Maybe to see if he had anything to say to me?? I don't know. Then just like that he walked by us, not even blinking, got in his car and left. Not one word. No eye contact. Just stormed out and left.

How do I feel now? I feel fine. At least I think so. Sometimes I wonder if there truly is a pain that exist but is hidden so deep, I convince myself its not there. One thing I do know is, God has giving me a forgiving heart and all is well in my soul :)

Today, on Father's Day, I thank the man who is and has always been my daddy. I pray for my biological one and hope before he leaves this earth he realizes the err of his ways. To all the wonderful fathers in this world, you are so greatly loved and appreciated. To all the uncles, cousins, brothers, mentors, neighbors, etc. who step up and act as fathers...thank you. To all the single mothers who have to be fathers too....job well done. And to the bitter, hateful women who want allow their children to see their fathers...shame on you. Realize that life is not all about you and do what is right. NO ONE can every replace the love a man gives.....Happy Father's Day!