This Tuesday.

As this day comes to a close, I sit and wonder how exactly did I get here. I mean this place, at this time, at this point in my life. Guess what they say is true...want to make God laugh...tell him your plans. And boy did I have plans and still do. I just wouldn't have quite thought they would have played out this way.

You know I hate feeling sorry for myself. I mean who am I? To really have the audacity to question or be dissatisfied with my current place in this life. I often wonder how many things do I really have buried so deep away even a miner couldn't find it. I mean all I've ever known was to do, to go, to strive, to be. Strength. I had to have it. My mother had it and in my eyes she never missed a beat.

So yes, all these years I've been the strong woman. Enduring but pressing. On and on I've went, making plans, executing them, and enjoying the fruits of my labor. Yet, it's still not enough. I've hit a boulder in the middle of the road and I haven't the slightest clue what to do. This may sound normal but you don't understand I am Rook. I always know the next move. I always have the eye of strategy. And yet for the first time, everything around me has stopped. Or maybe everything else is moving and I'm the one motionless.

I'm tired of being disappointed and my mind is bothered that I even care I've been disappointed. I am supposed to be invincible. Yeah I know, you can laugh. But you don't understand my story. Or the story of so many other woman who make it happen, by almost any means necessary regardless of the inner leeches that seek to destroy...all with a smile on your face.

So what am I saying? I don't know :/ Strength, focus, drive, motivation, JESUS...I need ya... One wise brother said today, "All hell is breaking loose because you are right on the verge of the most revolutionary time in your life!!"

...to be continued....

A true friend is someone who sees the pain in your eyes while everyone else believes the SMILE on your face -Tyrese

Better.

There sometimes comes a point in your life when you decide to do better.
Love better.
Give better.
Think better.

You look at past mistakes and failures and vow never again.
That thing called conscious emerges from within and serves as your life's permanent pilot.
You laugh, you love, you sing, and you live.


Broken hearts, bad seeds sown, and life's lessons.
Are a mere reminder of how far you've come.
How better you now are. And will be.

A personal mission to be the change you want to see in the world.
Real love.
True honor.
Unmeasurable respect.

If only society knew what you knew.
If only others understood your true meaning of love.
If only your heart's rhythm resonated through those in doubt.

then.
if only.
If only these words had remained true.

If only better had of really been better.
But once again the sun has come down.
All deeds of progression have come to a halt.

Yeah you know all the great adages about life and love.
Doesn't matter.
Irrelevant.

How do you convince yourself to forget your new found pain.
And just keep getting better.
HOW can your strive for better-ness seem to always end in worse-ness?

Left alone to wonder how did you get here?
How could love have led you astray?
What is love anyway, you wonder.

There's the heart, there's the mind, and then there's the truth.
Who's to blame?
Love. Life. or maybe Better.

So what's next?

The End.