Peaking (not peeking) through....

on Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Something great is about to happen. Don't know what exactly. Don't really have any distinct indications of this happening but I'm certain it's near. Somehow it seems as though I just realized that four years of my life has past me. I'm sure I was there when it took place, but maybe I was somewhat asleep. Nah, I'm thinking I was awake but I may have lost myself along the way. I don't know but it's amazing how life will show you that as soon as you begin to think you know something ...#bam you know nothing.


One of the hardest things in life is when you realize things are not going to go as you planned. No matter how well-orchestrated that plan may have been. You know Christ really does know all because it often takes such reality checks to force you to draw closer to Him. This is month five of 2010 and this, I believe, has been the most non-defined, complex, confusing period I've ever experienced in life. It's easy when circumstances force you to make decisions. But what a test it is to have to step outside of your comfort zone and make decisions that you truly don't what to make but you have to make. We often blame others, our jobs, families, friends, enemies, and any other element for our own discomfort or unhappiness. However, what I've found is that we are largely to blame for the situations we are in and the people we allow to infiltrate our circle of serenity.

I wonder if we really understand the Serenity Prayer:
"God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things that I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference".

The unknown is what I once viewed as frightening but the wisdom of understanding the things I can and cannot change gives me such a different perspective. I can't tell you where I'll be 6 months, 12 months, or 24 months from now. Strangely enough for me, that's ok. It is something about a rebirth that is as innocent as the youth of a child. After many, many, many prayers for answers, directions, and confirmations, I have come to the conclusion that all that I have experienced is only positioning me for the road ahead. Thus, the answer won't be revealed on one sign rather through the cumulation of several signs over many miles.

Tomorrow will mark four years that I invested, loved, gave, shared, hoped, dreamed, planned, and believed in something special with someone special. I am only reminded of everything that isn't. Sometimes you can no longer give others the option to choose. Is it easy? no. Is it complicated? very. But. All is fair in love and war, right? It really is...what it is. And as much love as there is for you, I love me so much more. Selfish, you say? *smiles* You'll understand one day. I hope.

So flawed is she... yes. But I am certain the genuine, faithful, committed, humble, loving, Godly, moral, conscious-being in me will not exist in vain. It could only be peace from heaven that could keep a smile in my heart despite the different areas of life that have seemed to leak oxygen :) And somehow the flower still blooms.

I will not ask for anything else in my life until I am faithful over the many things that I've already been giving. Note to self: Your strive to help others has been hindered by your own brokenness. #wow

5 comments:

Don said...

Yes. I loved this post, Missrook! And I had clicked onto your blog not expecting a post at all. I was about to say, "Don't bring your ass back to my blog unless you have posted."

You always have something meaningful to offer my spirit. I really appreciate you for this.

I think we both have undergone and reached a point where we are clear that something is about to transpire. But what? Hopefully something positive, cause Lord knows we have exercised a great amount of patience.

No matter how well-orchestrated that plan may have been. You know Christ really does know all because it often takes such reality checks to force you to draw closer to Him. Isn't this the God honest truth. Reminds me of that saying, "Before it's all said and done every knee will bow before Christ."

And I believe this to be true with all my heart and soul.



I love you for this post, my sweet friend.

missrook said...

*dead* @ I was about to say, "Don't bring your ass back to my blog unless you have post

LOL. Thanx Don.

Don said...

Wow.....I actually thought you had blogged. Still the same May 4, 2010 post. Now, I understand that you are busy. but surely can squeeze some post here and there.

Don said...

Rook, I need you to come and clean up your comment section.

Please.

LOL!

Don said...

Smh. LOL!


#wow @ all this spam in your comment section. looks like someone has abandoned the blog, and you promised....